October, 2011.
Elliot: “Ya know, I ain’t good at being photographed. I only do it because… ya know, you use your image to sell your music.”
Female photographer: “It will go fine! Just relax. Hey, what’s that poster on the wall?”
Elliot: “It’s behind the chair. Lemme lift it up a bit and show you.”
Elliot: “Kumi Callaghan-West. She’s an American super model. She uses her image to sell her stuff… Er, I mean her… her work, so she gets gigs. That’s something I gotta learn to do. I like her philosophy. You gotta use what you have until it’s too late!”
Female photographer: “Right, now can we move on…”
Elliot: “I got this poster in the States already. She’s so famous over there… I’ve been here for like a month, but I never got around to putting this up ’cause I couldn’t decide where to hang it.”
Elliot: “It’s not like I have much choice here – the flat is so tiny. But no place seemed to be good enough for that poster. That brown wall is just plain ugly!”
Female photographer: “It doesn’t matter. Can you take off that hat, please? You’ve got hair on your face, and people will need to see…”
Elliot: “My face? I don’t get why anyone would want to see that. But sure, since you ask nicely.”
Female photographer: “Huh? Aren’t you negative, or what?”
Elliot: “I’m just being honest. This reminds me when I was a bit emotional out in the street yesterday, and then a passer-by asked me why I was so negative. I explained, and then I got to hear what a saddo I was.”
Female photographer: “Do you not think there could have been a tiny bit of truth in that?”
Elliot: “Of course! But… it’s just so hard not to give in to one’s negative feelings.”
Elliot: “But I don’t think of myself as a total loser. I’ve got two solo gigs this weekend! And somebody asked me to send a signed copy of the poster to them… It’s a nice girl, so how could I have said no?”
Female photographer: “Well, that sounds nice! We’ll be sure to spread that poster around, so you get a nice audience.”
Elliot: “It’s not gonna be anything big, just café gigs. But I like them nice and intimate anyway. Did you get a good photo yet?”
Female photographer: “Some, yeah. But I’d like to turn that chair around so the poster girl won’t steal all the attention…”
Elliot: “Sure. Hey, did I tell you that I’ve got a friend coming from the States?”
Female photographer: “No. Who is it?”
Elliot: “Somebody who’s real good with the bass. I met him in New York some years ago. Before I came here, he told me: ‘I wanna help you get famous. Call me when you’ve settled down.’ Not that I’m gonna get famous or anything… But I called him a few days ago. He’s coming tomorrow! Can you believe it? He’s left everything to be my bassist!”
Female photographer: “No way! That sounds amazing!”
Elliot: “‘Cause it is!”
The next day Elliot’s friend has arrived, and the (so far) anonymous female photographer has come for another visit…
Elliot: “Do you think she’ll like this?”
Friend: “Are you effing kidding me? She’s gonna eat outta your palm if she ever meets you! You big softie!”
Female photographer: “That’s a sweet thing to do for your fan, for sure. It’s the first copy of the poster.”
Elliot: “Well, if you’ve got a fan, that’s always good, ain’t it? Rather someone who likes ya than someone who hates ya. I know what it’s like to admire someone. If Kumi Callaghan-West sent me a signed poster of herself, I’d probably faint… And if I met her, I’d die!”
Friend: “No, you wouldn’t have the time, ’cause her action movie star of a husband Simon West would kill you with one karate kick before you got close to her!”
Elliot: “It would be worth trying, tho.”
Female photographer: “So, you’re still looking for a drummer?”
Elliot: “Yeah! Someone local, maybe. And another guitarist would be nice, but we’ll manage for a while after we find the drummer. My friend Boniface Deering here will play the bass for me!”
Friend: “Excuse me? It’s Ben! From Benton! Benton Deering.”
Elliot: “He’s lying! Boniface Deering! My deeeeear Boniface Deeeering! I bet his mama gave him that name ’cause he was so purdy! Boniface sounds like something Scottish, but I think it’s French, actually… And Deering means ‘beloved’. Aww!”
Ben: “You lying son of a…”
Elliot: “How come your hair is so shiny? Mine’s always outta kilter. You hair is SO niiice, Boniface. I gotta nuss it a little bit…”
Female photographer: “Nuss?”
Ben: (whispering) “Caress. He’s got his own language.”
Female photographer: (whispering) “Oh, I thought he was… um, high.”
Ben (whispering): “Nah, he’d be a lot worse then.”
Elliot: “Aww, don’t be mad, my friend. There are worse surnames than Deering to match your first name. You could be a Dickman! Get BENT, dickmaaan right now! Or a Dwerryhouse! Like a home for dwarfs, ha ha ha ha!”
Ben: “Or actually I’m not sure if he would…”
Ben: “Ouch!”
Elliot: “Can you put into that lil’ article you’re writing that… that we are looking for a drummer? And we prefer a female drummer!”
Female photographer: “Um, sure.”
Elliot: “Actually… Can you do it? I mean, be our drummer?”
Female photographer: “Ah, I don’t actually play any instrument…”
Elliot: “Not ANY instrument at all? I don’t believe you! We could start jamming right now! We’ll teach you how to…”
Female photographer: “I think this is the time when little girls go home. Bye, and I’ll be in touch when the article and photos are published!”
To be continued…
Note from the author:
Kumi Callaghan-West and Simon West are characters by the talented Amber Park: https://www.flickr.com/photos/appark/
I have her permission to use them in the story this way, but when I eventually publish this story in book form, I will obviously replace these names with my own.
