Tales and Art in a Small Scale with a Big Heart

S1E1: Poster Boy


October, 2011.


Elliot: “Ya know, I ain’t good at being photographed. I only do it because… ya know, you use your image to sell your music.”

Female photographer: “It will go fine! Just relax. Hey, what’s that poster on the wall?”

Elliot: “It’s behind the chair. Lemme lift it up a bit and show you.”

poster boy elliot crane


Elliot: “Kumi Callaghan-West. She’s an American super model. She uses her image to sell her stuff… Er, I mean her… her work, so she gets gigs. That’s something I gotta learn to do. I like her philosophy. You gotta use what you have until it’s too late!”

Female photographer: “Right, now can we move on…”

Elliot: “I got this poster in the States already. She’s so famous over there… I’ve been here for like a month, but I never got around to putting this up ’cause I couldn’t decide where to hang it.”

poster boy elliot crane


Elliot: “It’s not like I have much choice here – the flat is so tiny. But no place seemed to be good enough for that poster. That brown wall is just plain ugly!”

Female photographer: “It doesn’t matter. Can you take off that hat, please? You’ve got hair on your face, and people will need to see…”

Elliot: “My face? I don’t get why anyone would want to see that. But sure, since you ask nicely.”

poster boy elliot crane


Female photographer: “Huh? Aren’t you negative, or what?”

Elliot: “I’m just being honest. This reminds me when I was a bit emotional out in the street yesterday, and then a passer-by asked me why I was so negative. I explained, and then I got to hear what a saddo I was.”

Female photographer: “Do you not think there could have been a tiny bit of truth in that?”

Elliot: “Of course! But… it’s just so hard not to give in to one’s negative feelings.”

poster boy elliot crane


Elliot: “But I don’t think of myself as a total loser. I’ve got two solo gigs this weekend! And somebody asked me to send a signed copy of the poster to them… It’s a nice girl, so how could I have said no?”

Female photographer: “Well, that sounds nice! We’ll be sure to spread that poster around, so you get a nice audience.”

Elliot: “It’s not gonna be anything big, just café gigs. But I like them nice and intimate anyway. Did you get a good photo yet?”

Female photographer: “Some, yeah. But I’d like to turn that chair around so the poster girl won’t steal all the attention…”

poster boy elliot crane


Elliot: “Sure. Hey, did I tell you that I’ve got a friend coming from the States?”

Female photographer: “No. Who is it?”

Elliot: “Somebody who’s real good with the bass. I met him in New York some years ago. Before I came here, he told me: ‘I wanna help you get famous. Call me when you’ve settled down.’ Not that I’m gonna get famous or anything… But I called him a few days ago. He’s coming tomorrow! Can you believe it? He’s left everything to be my bassist!”

Female photographer: “No way! That sounds amazing!”

Elliot: “‘Cause it is!”

poster boy elliot crane


The next day Elliot’s friend has arrived, and the (so far) anonymous female photographer has come for another visit…

Elliot: “Do you think she’ll like this?”

Friend: “Are you effing kidding me? She’s gonna eat outta your palm if she ever meets you! You big softie!”

Female photographer: “That’s a sweet thing to do for your fan, for sure. It’s the first copy of the poster.”

poster boy elliot crane


Elliot: “Well, if you’ve got a fan, that’s always good, ain’t it? Rather someone who likes ya than someone who hates ya. I know what it’s like to admire someone. If Kumi Callaghan-West sent me a signed poster of herself, I’d probably faint… And if I met her, I’d die!”

Friend: “No, you wouldn’t have the time, ’cause her action movie star of a husband Simon West would kill you with one karate kick before you got close to her!”

Elliot: “It would be worth trying, tho.”

poster boy elliot crane


Female photographer: “So, you’re still looking for a drummer?”

Elliot: “Yeah! Someone local, maybe. And another guitarist would be nice, but we’ll manage for a while after we find the drummer. My friend Boniface Deering here will play the bass for me!”

Friend: “Excuse me? It’s Ben! From Benton! Benton Deering.”

Elliot: “He’s lying! Boniface Deering! My deeeeear Boniface Deeeering! I bet his mama gave him that name ’cause he was so purdy! Boniface sounds like something Scottish, but I think it’s French, actually… And Deering means ‘beloved’. Aww!”

poster boy elliot crane


Ben: “You lying son of a…”

Elliot: “How come your hair is so shiny? Mine’s always outta kilter. You hair is SO niiice, Boniface. I gotta nuss it a little bit…”

Female photographer: “Nuss?”

Ben: (whispering) “Caress. He’s got his own language.”

Female photographer: (whispering) “Oh, I thought he was… um, high.”

poster boy elliot crane


Ben (whispering): “Nah, he’d be a lot worse then.”

Elliot: “Aww, don’t be mad, my friend. There are worse surnames than Deering to match your first name. You could be a Dickman! Get BENT, dickmaaan right now! Or a Dwerryhouse! Like a home for dwarfs, ha ha ha ha!”

Ben: “Or actually I’m not sure if he would…”

poster boy elliot crane


Ben: “Ouch!”

Elliot: “Can you put into that lil’ article you’re writing that… that we are looking for a drummer? And we prefer a female drummer!”

Female photographer: “Um, sure.”

Elliot: “Actually… Can you do it? I mean, be our drummer?”

Female photographer: “Ah, I don’t actually play any instrument…”

Elliot: “Not ANY instrument at all? I don’t believe you! We could start jamming right now! We’ll teach you how to…”

Female photographer: “I think this is the time when little girls go home. Bye, and I’ll be in touch when the article and photos are published!”

poster boy elliot crane


To be continued…



Note from the author:

Kumi Callaghan-West and Simon West are characters by the talented Amber Park: https://www.flickr.com/photos/appark/

I have her permission to use them in the story this way, but when I eventually publish this story in book form, I will obviously replace these names with my own.

You may share my work in social media with proper linking back to this site. Also, check out my other posts and leave comments wherever you wish. I welcome all constructive criticism with open arms.

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