Tales and Art in a Small Scale with a Big Heart

S1E5: Groupie


Early November.


Elliot (in a girl’s voice): “Toto, I’ve a feeling we ain’t in Kansas no more.”

Ben: “Hah! Too right! Not in Memphis or NYC either.”

Elliot (in a girl’s voice): “We must be over the rainbow!”

Ben: “It’s so cold out here. Brrr!”

Elliot: “I know… I forgot my gloves at home. (in a girl’s voice again) Now I… I know we ain’t in Kansas!”

Ben: “We’re in Trolliwood! Eek!”

Elliot (casually): “I had a girl last night.”


Ben: “You did?! Seriously?! So, who was it? Choco?!”

Elliot: “Not Choco! Jesus!”

Ben: “Jesus wasn’t a girl…”

Elliot: “Will you listen to me, Boniface?! I told you I wasn’t gonna put any pressure on her. Besides, she ain’t into me at all.”

Ben: “How would you know that? If she was madly in love with you seven years ago… Love doesn’t die just like that.”

Elliot: “Maybe not, but it fades. But this girl I had last night…”

Ben: “Was she good?”

Elliot: “Yeah… But she was a groupie. She followed me to the solo gigs I had in that city 300 miles from here. She sat there all the time, like in my face. I had to… you know… reward her somehow.”


Elliot (bitterly): “I mean, she was so keen. And I haven’t had anyone since Bloody Rosa dumped me… Which was like seven months ago or so.”

Ben (laughingly): “You desperate son of a bitch! You’re well rid of that Bloody Rosa! You realize that?”

Elliot: “I know… She was heartache from the day that I met her. The truth is… I could only stand her when I was HHH.”

Ben: “HHH?”

Elliot: “Horny, High and Hammered.”

Ben: “I should have realized! Well, I hope the new girl’s a bit more stable than Bloody Rosa.”

Elliot: “I was thinking so… till today.”

Ben: “What happened?”


Elliot: “Ya know, that cheap ol’ cellphone I bought a while ago… This girl I had, Ophelia… She found it and stole my number. Now she’s like sending me sex… text messages every ten minutes. Like: ‘Where are you? Can we meet again tonight? I miss you! I miss the things you did to me! I wanna hear your sexy voice again! AAAAHH!’ Things like that. So irritating.”

Ben: “Hahahahhaaa! Now there’s a proper groupie for you! Shouldn’t you be pleased that she wants to do it again?”

Elliot: “I dunno. I don’t need that kinda drama… I’ve had enough of that for a lifetime. I don’t even know how to use that thing, goddamnit!”

Ben: “You will learn. I bet she… haha… wouldn’t mind teaching you how to use that ‘thing‘. Hahah!”


Elliot: “I meant the cellphone, you idiot! You know, after Bloody Rosa I really would like to find someone more… How to put this shit… Would someone more deep be too much to ask for?”

Ben: “Depends what you mean by the ‘deep’.”

Elliot (shoots a scowl at Ben): “Get your dirty mind outta the gutter!”

Ben: “Well, you’re not gonna find what you’re looking for among the groupies, dude. That’s for sure.”

Elliot (sighs): “Oh well, at least I’ve managed to drop two H’s outta three.”

Ben: “It seems like we’ve both got our diiiirty minds in the same gutter, still.”

Ben and Elliot: (snort with laughter)


Later that day Elliot is having a smoke alone in a quiet street near his apartment…

Elliot: “‘My lord, you shall lie in my lap, your head upon my naked lap and everything else…’ What thee fuck?!”

(a long thinking pause)

Elliot: “Gotta give the chick some credit, though. She’s definitely read her Shakespeare… and twisted it into something else.”

Ophelia: “Heyyyyy! There you are!”

Elliot (quietly): “Speak of the devil and she shall find ya.”


Elliot (quickly puts the phone away): “Er… Hey.”

Ophelia: “I’ve been missing you all day! My face is still red from last night… OMG! Did you read all the 18 text messages I sent you? I went to knock on your door and waited behind it for like two hours, but you never showed up! I texted you that I would be waiting for you. Maybe you never got that message?”

Elliot: “Uh, yeah… Must have gotten lost in cyberspace, that one… My phone is old and ragged, not receiving messages very well. Kinda reminds me of somebody… Who was it again? Oh yeah, me!”

Ophelia: “Hihihi! You’re so funny! Soooo… I was thinking that we could meet tonight for supper and then… you know. Hihi!”

Elliot: “What? Um, sorry. I’m too busy, ya know. Music… stuff. Ya know?”

Ophelia: “Nooo… But I could come with you, and you could tell me more! Or better yet, show me!”


Elliot: “Show you what exactly? There ain’t nothing to see about my music… (takes a glance at Ophelia’s skirt) Whoa! That skirt is way, way too short, dontcha think?”

Ophelia: “No, it isn’t! It’s just what I needed, because it got your attention!”

Elliot: “Sorry, but I don’t think women of any age should wear skirts that short. Especially not in this neighborhood. You’ll get some scumbag on you here.”

Ophelia: “Oh! You care more than I thought! Do you mean yourself by any chance?”

Elliot: “No, I ain’t a scumbag… I mean… Yeah, totally! I am! You should stay away from me and anybody else who lives ’round here. For your own safety. Hssh! Go!”

Ophelia: “I have a good sense of character, and I don’t think you’re a scumbag at all… Especially not after last night. Thihihi! I’m only a bit bothered about the smell… I think you should get rid of those death sticks. They will be the death of you if you carry on.”


Elliot: “No… I mean: yes! It’s too late to stop now.”

Ophelia: “What?”

Elliot: “Those damn sticks will be the death of me, like you just said… In two months in fact. Yeah, I’ve got lung cancer. I’ve been smoking heavily since I was a kid. My lungs are black as night, the doctor says.”

Ophelia (shocked): “WHAT?!”

Elliot: “I’m afraid so… The doc says that I shouldn’t… ya know, do anything that makes my heart race too quickly, ’cause it may give me a sudden heart attack and cause a… um… even quicker death. It’s all ’cause of the… lung cancer. Last night was a mistake. I could have died. I haven’t even written my will yet. Not that I own anything else than musical equipments.”

Ophelia (thoughtfully): “Hmm… In that case you need extra care for your last two months. I will come again tonight when you’re done with the busy stuff. We don’t have to do anything. I’ll bring you some of my pastry, and then we can discuss your music… or life or anything.”

Elliot (shakes his head, eyes widen): “Um…”

Ophelia (kisses her fingertips and softly puts them on Elliot’s lips): “Goodbye, and see you later!”

Elliot (to himself after Ophelia is gone): “What the hell did I just say wrong?!”


To be continued…

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