Elliot: “I’m screwed.”
Female photographer: “What do you mean?”
Elliot: “I called Ben, said that and asked him to come over, and he just answered: ‘In that case you don’t need me there! Sorry, I’m busy. See you tomorrow.’ Haa haa. He doesn’t take me seriously. Ben is supposed to be my best friend, and he doesn’t take me seriously! What hope do I have?”
Female photographer: “Um, I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.”
Elliot: “I’m glad that you’re here now, ‘cause otherwise I could be… in a few minutes…” (raises an eyebrow)
Female photographer: “Okay, I’ve still got no idea what you’re talking about. But anyway, you were supposed to talk about art tonight so I could write your views on it for the second article. The deadline is coming quickly, and I’d like to get it done within the next couple of days. Have you got a new poster over there? Is it the same girl…”
Elliot: “No. This is her cousin, Magpie Callaghan. She’s a violinist. I saw her in concert once and stole this poster… “
Female photographer: “Uh-huh.”
Elliot (defensively): “Hey, it’s NOT like anybody needed it! Not more than I did, anyway.”
Female photographer: “Oh, if you put it that way…”
Elliot: “I ain’t sure if that was a hint or not… I hope it wasn’t, ‘cause then your mind would be as dirty as mine. Just so you know: I don’t admire this lady for the way she looks, but for the way she plays that violin. I mean: she’s totally gorgeous and all, but the beauty we may have on the outside is totally overrated. It’s all just a shell that covers the beauty we have on the inside.”
Female photographer: “And you’ve been thinking this way since when?”
Elliot: “Since forever. You probably don’t know this, but I’ve been a big fan of Michelangelo for years. From what I understand, he used to think that art can never be perfect enough. My favorite quote by him goes like this: ‘The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection.’ I just think that it applies to humans, too. Humans are divine. Okay, we are totally mortal and all that… But I think that mortality is just a shell that covers divinity. Some people hide their divinity better than others, but we all have it inside.”
Female photographer: “Um, you’ve lost me. Care to shed some more light on that?”
Elliot: “Yes. I mean that… The true work of art comes through divinity. And divinity is planted in your brain, kind of… It’s inside your mind. And into your mind it comes from… somewhere else. From God, I think. But I certainly don’t wholly believe in man’s perception of God. I don’t even read the Bible anymore. I mean: there’s probably some truth in it, but not the whole truth. It’s been written by people, after all. By men. Why would all the answers be offered to people on a silver platter?”
Elliot: “The whole truth is just way, way too complicated to be put into a book to study. I also believe in Darwin’s theory of evolution, but not wholly. But I think there are bits of truth in all religion we have been given, and we just need to know what the important bits are and pick them up.”
Female photographer: “Wow. That was pretty profound. But I still don’t quite understand what it has to do with art…”
Elliot: “Your hands, your eyes, your skin… Everything about you that you create art with is the shell, the tools that you have been given. The tools you use come from your divinity.”
Female photographer: “Ah, okay…”
(Elliot’s phone peeps)
Female photographer: “Aren’t you going to answer that?”
Elliot: “Hah! Nope. No chance. My allotment of one day’s stupidity is up. You know, that Magpie Callaghan in the poster is actually quite smart. That’s one of the qualities that I admire about her. It reads on the poster: ‘Music is a fool’s best friend. It allows you to express yourself with beauty, while keeping your big, stupid foot out of your mouth.’ That’s just the way I think as well! The countless embarrassing situations I could have avoided if I had just kept my mouth shut and made music instead…”
Female photographer: “Hah! At last I totally understand what you’re talking about!”
Elliot: “Haa haa. I mean that music as well as all other forms of art is the best way of expressing yourself. If something sucks, you put it into a song or a canvas, and nobody takes offence, ‘cause it’s art. They don’t take it as an offense even if you direct it at them. It’s still art to them. It’s that simple. The world would be so much better a place to live in if people did more art and just kept their mouths shut most of the time. That’s what I truly believe.”
(knock, knock, knock on the door, ring, ring, ring on the phone)
Elliot:
“They say desperate times call for desperate measures Don't let me dig out the skeletons from under the floor They're hidden there for a reason I'm not here to make that call Keep them out of my reach and take back all your venoms There's a lot about me to abhor Long enough I've been on the hunt for your treasures The li'l girl knows not what she's asking for She knows not what she's asking for With me there's nothing but a great fall From their wet graves, they rise up in the night I've loved too many times to keep track of them all Their bones scratch the windows and doors And I'm still graving for something more Killing things is one of my absolute pleasures Don't you hear them warn? 'You know not what you're asking for You know not what you're asking for”
The next day.
Elliot (on the phone):
“Hey!”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ve been keeping my phone switched off for the past two days…”
“‘Cause I have a stalker – that’s why! No, I don’t mean you this time. Haha! I was only joking when I called you my stalker.”
“Yeah, this is a real one…”
“Ya know, one of those gals from my solo gigs…”
“You don’t know? Well, they like followed me all the way to the gigs…”
“Yup, 300 miles.”
“No.”
“Um, no.”
“I didn’t!”
“Oh come on! You know me better than that.”
“Well, yeah, they were groupies…”
“It doesn’t mean I slept with all of them, goddamnit!”
“How dare you even think like that?”
“Okay, tell me.”
Elliot (on the phone):
“What?”
“But how? Why?”
“They WHAT?!”
“What exactly did you put into that article?”
“I mean: you didn’t praise me too much, did ya?”
“It sounds like you did…”
“From France? Oh, I don’t know about that… I’d rather have someone local. Ya know, a person who knows about the business ’round here…”
“Oh, he’s only been visiting France? Okay, so he wants to be my manager… But why…”
“It was HIM?! Okay, I think I saw him in that café! Never imagined him being the manager type… Looked kinda young.”
“Ah, well. If you say so.”
Elliot (on the phone):
“And you really think he’s gonna get me a recording deal? I wanna do my own thing…”
“That sounds almost too good to be true.”
“Yeah, but it still sounds like some cock and bull story…”
“They’re gonna laugh at my face! That’s what they’re gonna do.”
“I don’t believe you, Choco. I just don’t.”
“Yeah, well… I’m not gonna believe him either.”
“Nope. Not even when and if I see a contract.”
“There’s always a catch.”
“There is, there is!”
Elliot (on the phone):
“Shit… You’re killing me here…”
“Yeah, it’ll be your fault when I drop dead before my time. I’ll just get a heart attack and…”
“Sorry! Bad joke.”
“Yeah, I never think. Honestly, I’m so sorry…”
“Ben’s gonna jump on the walls when he hears this!”
“Soooo… When’s the second article out?”
“Ya know, Rolling Troll must be the most idiotic name ever for a music magazine!”
“You’ve done a brilliant job. Honestly… I’ll never be able to thank you enough, Choco.”
“Choco, Choco, Choco, Choco, Choco, Choco, Choco, Choco, Choco, Choco, Choco, Cho…”
“Ooookay! Sybil Freaking De Hurst, I LOVE you!”
“Yeah, I know. But still… After all those years… After all the shit I made you go through…”
“It was totally all my fault. Don’t you EVER dare blame yourself! Anyway, after all that stuff… you still have faith in me. That’s why I will always love you.”
“Like a friend, of course.”
“Goodbye.”
Elliot gets up and calls Ben…
Ben: “Hey, what’s up?”
Elliot: “Ben, I’ve got some super good news for you!”
Ben: “Oh yeah? Did you get rid of that stalker chick named Ophelia yet?”
Elliot (breathlessly): “I think so… But this ain’t about that. Listen: Choco has arranged a meeting with this dude who wants to be my… our manager! Apparently he was at one of my café gigs, and after the first article was out, he contacted the magazine Choco writes those articles for as a freelancer… Some dude from here. Choco told me that he’s got a lot of contacts in the music business. Ain’t that awesome, or what?!”
Ben: “Wooow, man, breathe a little, will you! Sounds awesome! I’m in NYC for a couple more days, but once I get back, we’ll celebrate!”
Elliot: “YES! And that wasn’t all! Choco reckons that this dude can arrange a proper tour for us and a recording deal! Can you imagine?!”
Ben: “That’s mad! It sounds almost too good to be true!”
Elliot: “That’s what I said… Let’s take one day at a time, yeah? But it all sounds awesome, for sure…”
Ben: “Yeah, things are starting to roooll… Just behave yourself while I’m away, okay? I’ll be back soon enough.”
Elliot: “Behave? Me? I’m just going out to play with Lissie in a minute. When have I not behaved in any way but well?”
Ben: “Hmm…”
Elliot: “Did I just hear your eyeballs roll, or was it something else? Is it even possible to hear someone’s eyeballs roll? If you can see it, it clearly happens, so you must also be able to hear it, right?”
Ben: “Shut the fuck up and go play some music.”
Elliot: “Right, well, since you ask nicely… Bye!”
Ben: “Bye, Hamlet!”
Elliot (with a goofy smile): “You shut the fuck up, Boniface Deer!”
To be continued…
Note from the author:
Like Kumi Callaghan-West, Magpie Callaghan is a character by the talented Amber Park: https://www.flickr.com/photos/appark/
