Tales and Art in a Small Scale with a Big Heart

S1E7: The Assault


Elliot (singing):

“Shell of an angel
Why can’t they come as whole?
I wanted her to be my home
As I loved her so
She landed right in front of me
And I just wanted more

More, more, more, more, more

What on earth have I done to her
To make her so full of sorrow?
What made me feel like
I deserved anything at all?

My kingdom for her smile so sweet
My riches for the way she carried me on
My soul for her spirit here with me
Before I made her fall

There’s nothing to be seen here
But a shell of an angel buried deep…”


Two men walk past and one of them shouts: “What a softie! Get a lock for that zipper!”

Elliot (defensively): “What?! How do ya know what I did the other night? Is she your sister?”

Black man: “You what? My sister? (to the other man) He thinks you’re my SISTER!”

White man: “The wanker thinks I’m your SISTER?! Riiiight!”

Elliot: “Guys, you got it all wrong!”


Black man: “Looks like we need to teach you some manners!”

White man: “Yeah! First: give us what you’ve got!”

Elliot (puts the guitar down, confused): “What I’ve got?”

Black man: “All your valuables, you fucking idiot!”

White man: “Right now or we’ll wring your neck, bitch!”


Elliot: “Alright, chill out, will ya. I ain’t got nothing.”

White man: “He speaks in a funny way. Wanker!”

Black man: “You’re not supposed to use two negatives in a row like that. Are you a Yankee?”

Elliot: “Not actually. I’m from Memphis, Tennessee…”

Black man: “I hate Yankees!” (pulls out a knife)

Elliot: “Whoa! Whoa! Take it easy, man!”

White man: “Valuables!”


Elliot gives them all his stuff… almost.

White man: “A couple of cigs, matches and a mobile that’s at least five years old. And one guitar that’s at least twice as old as the mobile. Not even one coin. Wow! The wanker really is poor! How sad is that?”

Black man: “Who uses matches anymore? Frigging hell…”

Elliot: “I told you I ain’t got nothing. Even the hat is empty.”

Black man: “Stop using two negatives! That’s not polite! Hey, what’s that book you’ve still got in your pocket?”

White man: “Give us that!”

Elliot: “It’s nothing. Look, I gave you all that could be worth something – in theory at least. I ain’t giving you my book.”


White man: “You ‘ain’t‘? Well, we sure as hell are going to give you something! Take this as a return gift for the worthless stuff you have!” (starts furiously beating Elliot on the head and upper body)

Elliot: “Ouuuuch! You’re gonna regret thissss…”

Black man (jumping up and down): “Beat him, beat him, beat him! YESSS! Smash his pretty face in!”

White man: “Whooh! Come on, slice him up with that knife already!”

Black man: “Not looking so pretty anymore! Yay!”


Elliot falls to the ground and coughs out a lot of blood while the two men keep kicking him.

Elliot: “You… (cough) are gonna… (cough) fucking regret this… (cough, cough)”

Black man: “He still speaks!”

White man: “Yeah, he’s still able to insult us! He needs more beating. How about you leave a little cut mark on his face? You know, like the Joker! You have to fucking use that knife!”

Black man: “Okay, let’s finish the job.”


Ophelia happens to come right then.

Elliot (sees her coming): “Don’t…”

Ophelia: “Oh my God! What are you doing to him?! Elliot?! I’ve spent two days looking for you – and I find you like this!”

Black man (hides the knife behind his back): “Well, look what we have here!”

White man: “So, the wanker’s got something valuable after all: a giiirl!”

Black man: “He totally lied to us!”

Ophelia: “What the hell do you think you’re doing? How dare you beat a sick man? He’s got cancer and his heart is weak!”

Elliot: “Don’t… (cough) you… touch her…”

White man (grabs Ophelia by her arm): “Come here, sweets! Aww! Is his heart weak cuz you broke it in pieces?”


Elliot: “I said: DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HER! (jumps from behind and bangs their heads together) Didn’t your mamas teach you to treat a lady right?! Fucking imbesils!”

Both men: “What the hell?! Ouch!”

Elliot: “Well, normally I ain’t a violent man at all. But you would be surprised about all the self-defense I’ve learned… I learned that previous trick in prison when I was twenty…”

Ophelia (shocked): “What?!”


Elliot: “I learned this from my very violent papa when I was fourteen…” (smacks them both in the face)

Black man: “Ouch! My nose!”

White man: “My jaw! Owww!”

Ophelia (staring in disbelief): “Geez…”

Elliot: “And I learned this… (kicks the black man’s ass so that he falls on the white man) from a horse when I was nine!”


White man: “He’s a crazy psycho!”

Black man: “That’s so not polite – not even of a Yankee! I’m out of here!”

Elliot: “You should have believed me when I said you were gonna regret it!”

Both men run away in horror.

Elliot (picks up the knife from the ground): “This ain’t something you should leave lying around… (looks up) Still here?”

Ophelia: “OMG! You just single-handedly beat both of those thugs! With bare hands! OMG! You saved my life!”

Elliot (puts his right hand on his chest): “Nah… That was nothing. They won’t come back for a while, but… (cough) there will be others. What the hell are you doing here? I told you to stay away! This neighborhood ain’t safe, as you can see.”


Ophelia: “I-I-I just… You didn’t answer any of my messages, and you didn’t open the door the other night when I knocked… and knocked. You must have been sleeping, right?”

Elliot (picks his things from the ground one by one): “Oh, yeah! (cough) Sorry. I was… too tired… ’cause of the… theee… lung cancer! And my phone ain’t receiving messages well… as I told you the other day.”

Ophelia: “So you haven’t been avoiding me or anything?”

Elliot: “Of coooourse I haven’t! Why would I be avoiding ya? But still – you gotta stay out of this area. You can’t come back again. Plus I’m like a magnet when it comes to problems. Just stay away – from this area… and from me.”

Ophelia: “But… At least let me get a taxi that takes you to the hospital.”

Elliot: “Oh, I ain’t going to the hospital… Want sunglasses? Here! This is all I can give you. Off you go!”


Ophelia: “Don’t be silly! You coughed out blood! You need to go and see a doctor!”

Elliot: “I can’t afford it. I ain’t going.”

Ophelia: “We have cheap healthcare in this country! Didn’t you know?”

Elliot: “What? Well, I bet it’s only for citizens… I ain’t a citizen.”

Ophelia: “Then I’ll pay them! That’s the least I can do! You just saved my life. You’re my hero!”

Elliot: “Please… I’m nobody’s hero. It was all just pure luck. I just managed to surprise them… ’cause you came and distracted them. Besides… I cheated.” (reveals what’s inside his glove)

Ophelia: “Oh my… What? I mean how?!”

Elliot: “The crooks couldn’t find any money on me, ’cause I had it all here. See? It multiplies the power of the blow… I just waited for the right moment… which you gave me. I learned this trick from… Guess where?”

Ophelia: “I can’t imagine! Tell me!”

Elliot: “Walt Disney’s Comics and Stories – believe it or not. Just as soon as I learned how to read. I must’ve been… four. My ol’ man would often say that I wasted my time on them comics, ’cause I’d never learn anything from them… or from anything else for that matter.”


Ophelia: “You just changed the subject! You still need to go to the hospital!”

Elliot: “It’s just my lip that’s busted. It’ll be swollen for a few days, but I’ll be fine…”

Ophelia: “Well, I’m not leaving you until I see that you’re fine.”

Elliot: “Look! Still standing! Now… you really need to go home. Take the nearest subway, bus, taxi… whatever. As long as you go home and never come back to this area again.”

Ophelia: “Why do you keep pushing me away?”

Elliot: “How do ya mean? For your own safety…”

Ophelia: “I think there’s more to it than that!”

Elliot: “Okay, seriously: what the heck do you want from me? I ain’t that amazing. Is it ’cause of the sex? I bet you’ve had better. I’m no good news for you. I ain’t your freaking Hamlet!”

Ophelia: “I’m in love with you!”

Elliot (stares at Ophelia in disbelief for a second): “What?! (pulls the knife out of his pocket) Why is there blood on the end of this knife? I never noticed. Are you hurt?”


Ophelia: “No. Maybe they accidentally cut themselves when you hit them? Or…”

Elliot: “Mmm… (cough) I… I feel dizzy…”

Ophelia: “Oh my God! Did they manage to stab you? I heard them say something about slicing you up just when I arrived, but I couldn’t see clearly what they did…”

Elliot: “You… just can’t be… in love… with me… (cough)”

Ophelia: “Eek! You just coughed out more blood! Alright, just calm down. Sit there. I can’t see any wounds on you… Where is it? Where is it?!”

Elliot (slides down the wall): “That’s just… impossible.”


Elliot (slowly opens his jacket): “It’s… just… impossible… I ain’t… your Hamlet…”

Ophelia: “Eek! Okay, I’m so calling an ambulance now! And I’m not going anywhere – no matter what you say!”

Ophelia quickly makes a call, then sits on the ground beside Elliot.

Elliot (groans): “No. No. Nooo…”

Ophelia: “Are you afraid to die?”

Elliot: “Nooo… I’m afraid… of theee… doctors…”

Ophelia: “Why? They will only heal you. Just wait and see.”

Elliot (crying): “Noo-ho-oo… They will put stuff in me… And then they will… put me away…”


To be continued…

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